Well, the news is not good. There is no hope.
"Your father's health is rapidly failing and any gains that he makes will be quickly lost as the cancer aggressively advances. Look to the present and enjoy each day with him. I can expect further problems to occur, including, a worsening of his anemia, problems with the anticoagulation, worsening problems with the sodium and oxygenation and so on. I know you are concerned about his health and I agree that he should be home if that is where he wants to be. Hospitals are fine but being in one's own surroundings with a supportive family is far more important."
So, that's it I guess. We are preparing to bring Dad home today by ambulance. As the doctor suggests I will make the most of this time and enjoy what I can. For the most part "My Dad" is already gone. His personality is changed to the degree that this past week I've even wondered if the cancer has spread to his brain. If you are lucky enough to have your parents, call them today and tell them you love them.
These next few weeks will be nearly unbearable for me. I spend more time crying than not crying. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. Now I have to think of what I should say to my Dad next time I see him. It will be the first time after knowing his condition is terminal. Maybe we won't have to say anything. It's a very sad day for me. My heart is broken.
Thank you all for being here. I wish I had more to offer. Something fun or funny to say. Something to give back to you for hanging in there with me through this. Here I am practically a stranger and depending on you to help me through one of the most difficult times in my life. I wish I had more to give back now but I just don't have it in me. I'm sorry to be so down and depressing. I know it's not easy being a friend to someone with so much negative stuff going on.
My employer yesterday came in my office and told me not to worry at all about losing my job. That they are standing behind me and are there for anything I need. They said for me to take off the time I need, do whatever it is I need to do and there is no chance of me losing my job. While in a way I sort of knew that it was nice to hear it. To have it confirmed. For the words to be spoken out loud. Of course I need to work because no work, no pay, but also right now I need a little space.
Just like when I come here and read your words of support. I know they are there anyway but to read them again and again has great meaning and gives strength to me.
That's all I know to say for now except again, thank you.